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Four Steps to Change Our IF ONLY ATTITUDE

December 04, 2011  by: Paulose  Points: 20   Category: Others    Views: 783

Disappointments lead to depression in life. Depression leads to diseases and failure in endeavors. But looking at things positively can change things and bring success in life.


You are disappointed many a time. Your ambitions are at a standstill. Certain situations can change your attitude and push you towards success. It may be reading a book, or a talk or through a dialogue with a friend.

Many times it is the 'if only attitude' that causes our failures. We grope over what is past thinking in our heart, 'if only I had done things like this the result would have been different'

An 'if only' experience

A famous psychologist, called Arthur Gorden, shares his experience. One day after treating some patients he was sitting in a restaurant tired and frustrated. He was much troubled in his heart over some failure experiences. At that time an eighty-year-old man came into the restaurant and sat near Arthur. He was also a psychologist. He asked Arthur, "Young man, what is wrong with you? Can I help you?" Arthur opened his heart to him and told about his frustration in life. He told about how his calculations had gone wrong and all his plans had failed.

"Shall we go to my office?" the old man asked.

"Why? Have you forgotten to take anything?" Arthur asked.

"No, I just want to know about your reactions."

When they reached his office the old man switched on a tape recorder and asked Arthur to listen to the audio.

It is a conversation record of three persons who came to see the old psychologist.

After hearing them, the old psychologist told Arthur to find the single word that is repeated often in their talk. All the three had expressed their disappointment and failure in life. The first blamed himself for his failure in business. The second one was sorry for his decision to look after his mom which prevented his own marriage. The third one deplored about his son who went astray.

Then the senior psychologist told him to bring to mind an expression of despair that had been repeated six times during the conversation. And he added that the same expression had been used by Arthur also in his conversation with the old man. Now he could find out. It was: "if only."

This had been the expression of thousands of people who had failed in their attempts. "If I had done like this, or if things had turned out like this, and so on."

Three defects of 'if only' attitude

1) The main defect of 'if only' attitude is it never brings any good result.

2) This attitude makes a person look at the negative side. It never makes a person look forward. But rather it makes to look back to deplore over the spilt milk.

3) This attitude not only wastes our time, but if it is allowed it becomes a bad habit. It hinders any optimistic venture.

Four positive steps for us

1) We should try to learn from mistakes with an optimistic outlook. It is human to err and make mistakes. But it should lead us in the right track. It should not make us waste time just thinking of the past. We should think of the future.

2) Change your attention. Instead of wasting energy concentrate your energy on our future plan.

3) Change 'if only' into 'next time'. Convince your mind that you will succeed next time. Then your attention will be diverted from the past.

4) Instead of lamenting over the past, put your step forward with an optimistic trust.

This conversation became a great turning point in the life of Arthur Gorden and led him to a successful life. Let this be an encouraging lesson for your life!


Author: Dr. Simran Kaur        
Posted Date: 12/07/2011    Points:1    

Your article will prove life correcting article in the life of many as this will change their habit of thinking 'if only' to 'do better next time'.

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